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Dare to seek your destiny


Editor's note: The following is the text of Carolina commencement speaker Trudier Harris-Lopez's prepared remarks for her address, which she delivered Dec. 20 at the Smith Center. Harris-Lopez is the J. Carlyle Sitterson professor of English. There were more than 1,300 December graduates.

Good afternoon.

I begin by offering thanks, first of all, to Chancellor Moeser and the UNC students and faculty who are responsible for me standing before you today. It is indeed an honor to be here, and I recognize those upon whose shoulders I stand and who have made this appearance possible. They include, of course, my own deceased parents, who, in spite of having five kids before I arrived, nonetheless took a chance on yet another one. They include the neighbors, teachers, and church folks in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, who were instrumental in encouraging me to stay in school. And of course they include a plethora of individuals who have carved out paths of opportunity over the past several decades. I thank them all.

To you who are about to stop paying tuition to Carolina, I say, "Congratulations!" You have made your families proud, and you will continue to make them proud in the productive years to come.

I am not going to stand here and talk about how much you are going to miss Carolina, from the wonderful food in Lenoir and Chase, to the lectures you've heard in Carroll Hall, to fighting with Caroline to get the courses you wanted, to the many days you've spent in Kenan Stadium or here in the Dean Dome. I'm sure you have those images -- and many, many more -- properly imprinted upon your minds.

I am also not going to dwell on how traumatic this semester has been for all of us, on your place in that specific history, or in its ongoing consequences. You have heard and you will surely hear enough of that.

Nor am I going to dwell on that strange summer and spring that we have been having in November and December, for surely it must mean something. That, too, will have to garner its reflective points from some other source.

So what am I going to do? I'm going to focus on some "D's." Since this is a December graduation, and since I know that, in a few years, you probably won't remember very much about it or me, I thought I might try to make some slight impression on your memory by tying my remarks to life in what I call the "D" world -- "D" as in "Divine December." So let's remember December and its accompanying "D's." First of all, most of you are probably in DEBT. Don't feel badly. Most of the rest of America is in debt as well. When I went to obtain a loan on a house several years ago and did not have any outstanding debts, the lending agent told me that it was "Un-American" not to have debts. So I've made it a habit since then to be as American as I can be.

My advice to you, however, is to make every effort to relieve yourself of your current debts before you acquire any additional ones. I know. The fancy car and the apartment are calling you, as is the new professional wardrobe, but contain yourselves for just a little while. Trust me; there will be plenty of debt-building opportunities waiting for you.

Let's talk about DECISIONS. Many of you may already have decided what job environment you're going to be in come January 1st, while others of you may yet be praying for results from interviews. Certainly the job will enable you to become the debt-building Americans in whom my lending officer firmly believes, but there are obviously lots of other decisions to be made. What kind of life will appeal to you? Will it be one in which money drives you more than anything else? Or will it be one in which some kind of mission, some commitment to giving back to the communities that supported you, will also hold sway? You may be thinking, "I'm too excited right now to think about going out and joining the trenches of charitable America. Give me a bit of time." But think again.

Many of you have given heartily of your time while at UNC. You've been mentors, interns, Big Buddies, Big Brothers and Big Sisters, and just about everything else we can imagine.

It's a Carolina tradition. I urge you to keep that charitable tradition close to your hearts and make decisions to be as helpful to your new communities as you have been at Carolina. Consider it a DUTY, a crucial part of being alive, and well, and human. Besides, we'll all be so proud to hear of your good works.

Now, some of you are sitting there with DOUBT, perhaps wondering IF a job will come through. IF it will have a remotely acceptable salary, and IF it will be in some barely tolerable living place. You're dwelling on the seventy or eighty people -- if not hundreds -- who applied for the same job and wondering if you have the slightest edge over them. I advise students to think about that situation this way: If there are as many as 500 applicants for a single job, and you are in the running, somebody is going to get the job. Why can't it be you? If you've prepared well and done as much as you possibly could to ensure a good result, then why can't the job be yours? Instead of focusing on the other folks, believe that you can lead the pack as well as some imaginary opponent out there whom you've created.

In contrast to doubting, there are some folks seated out there who might be tempted to DAYDREAM. Now these folks might have just slid through this last semester at Carolina, on a hope and a prayer, and expect that things are just going to go their way. These chosen few believe that good looks and a smile, or good conversation, or good social skills will land them precisely where they want to be. And perhaps they will. But then again they might not. So it's best to transform those dreams into living color reality, and that means being DILIGENT. You have to execute the clutch three-pointer in a crucial game or the field goal to break the tie, which might be equivalent to writing the creative report when someone else is just being perfunctory.

It's kind of a shock, I know, to realize that you're going to have to go back to being a freshman -- especially after you've earned the status of cool seniors waiting for graduation day. When do I get to take a break, you ask? Well, not right now. The race of life is going on, and you cannot afford to hang out in the bleachers. Besides, there's usually nothing in the bleachers except the hot air from all the folks who claim to play and coach better than the participants in the game.

I invite you to be DARING in the lives you lead, the jobs you hold, the beliefs you develop from this point on. What's the pleasure of always being one of the herd, of never venturing out? How else can you make progress except by challenging the assumptions of the environments into which you will go? Dare to be imaginative. Dare to be creative. Dare to take a chance on a different way of conceptualizing a project. Dare to explore a new avenue of research. Dare to believe that the world needs to hear from you and give it something worthy of its listening. Why be content to get up every morning, hop into your car, and drive to an office where you plant yourself in a job for which someone else has set the parameters of operation, where someone else has made all the decisions, where someone else has assigned you the position of cog in the wheel? Dare to take the wheel apart and find out what makes it run. Dare to re-invent it.

DEMAND of yourself your own standard for excellence, but don't drive yourself onto a psychiatrist's couch. During your years here at Carolina, you have been evaluated by someone else's standards, calculated your grade point averages by someone else's standards, joined organizations for which you had to meet certain criteria, and been aware, always, of someone passing judgment on you. Now you can set the standards. They might incorporate some of the things you've experienced here, but they might well go beyond that. Challenge yourselves; lift the bar on minimum achievement and leap even higher. DETERMINE to be the best at whatever you elect to do. If you are a scientist, why not imagine and construct the first shuttle to Mars? But do it fast, because I want to be around to make the trip.

And ... while you're transforming worlds and conquering space, dare to have fun in the process. In other words, don't forget to DANCE. Now I'm not talking about just going out and sweating on a dance floor a couple of weekends out of the year. I'm talking about the attitude you bring to life and to all your activities. Haven't you spent enough years being nerdy? Decide now to be brilliant and have fun. Why sacrifice one for the other? There is a place in life for leisure to offset all that thinking and creativity you're going to bring to your new work place. So you might as well plan some smart, balanced, recreational diversions from it. While you're planning how to take over your company, and proceeding to do that, don't wake up one morning and find that you're fifty and you haven't taken a vacation since you went skiing at Carolina. That would indeed make Jack and Jill dull boys and girls. Find a place for yourself and your family in your life. You DESERVE the best, and the best is not about working twenty hours a day.

I know, therefore, that the professional side of your life after you leave UNC is going to be productive, imaginative, and creative. I want to return, however, to one of the intangibles, that is, how you live your life. When you're out there, in that larger playing field of the "real world," you will encounter DIFFERENCE -- as has been the case at Carolina. There will be people who are not as tall as you are, or not as skinny -- not as light as you are, or not as dark -- not as able as you are, or not from the same regional or geographical background -- and certainly not as smart. They may not be as computer literate or Internet savvy. They most likely will not have the exact same tastes in dating or in marriage. They may not be as progressively feminist as you are or as staunchly conservative. They may dislike or even hate your southern accent, and you might find their northern or western or foreign speech a bit trying at times. But just as you are now willing to accept different tastes in food and music, fashion and religious belief, or to be eclectic in your own tastes, expand your horizons and accept whatever new differences you encounter as well.

One of the truths in which I firmly believe is that you gain little for always being a member of the pack. Certainly, as Americans, we ALL have to pay taxes, but we don't all have to go to Harvard or Berkeley, or vote for the same political candidates, or wear jeans and dreadlocks. As a culture, we intrinsically respect certain kinds of differences. I invite you to be open-minded in accepting more. After all, as some not very original thinker once said, "variety is the spice of life." It was because George Washington Carver was a black scientist working in the segregated South that he discovered so much about sweet potatoes, green beans, and peanuts, including making peanut soap. If he had been like everybody else around, we would not have reaped the benefits of his creative genius. That difference made a difference. While we would rather not have that particular difference of segregation repeated, there probably will be comparable ones, and more of them, and your expansiveness of mind will have to respond to them in dramatically different ways.

If your personal relationships move toward commitment and/or marriage, DELIVER the best of your emotional life. Don't enter halfway into a romance and expect to get one hundred percent positive results from it. You didn't expect that of papers you turned in while you were a student here. You wouldn't expect that of a proposal you might hand to your boss next year. And you wouldn't expect it of someone who holds your emotional life in their potentially crushing hands. Emotional health in relationships is about being open enough to expose yourself to vulnerability. It is my great hope for you that the earnestness you give will reap earnestness in return.

Ten years from now, when you reflect upon Carolina, I sincerely hope that you will do it with a great spirit of DEVOTION. Of course, by then you will have belonged to the Alumni Association for all of those 10 years. You will have returned to the campus on several occasions. And for those especially imaginative takeover artists, you will have founded -- or re-vamped -- some company and made a few million dollars. You may even be a senator from North Carolina or planning your campaign to become President of the United States. It is my sincere hope that you will remain devoted to Carolina, that you will stay in touch, and that, as opportunity allows, you will take a hand in shaping its next two hundred years.

These tidbits of advice, commentary, and good wishes ultimately amount to one large directive: CARVE OUT YOUR OWN DESTINY. Don't wait for someone to tap you on the shoulder and say, "Lige Pendergraft, because you're so wonderful, I just purchased a tax-free house for you in the Bahamas, and, oh, by the way, here's ten million dollars."

"Life ain't like that," so take yours in hand. Claim it! In the meantime,

All you darling damsels and dashing young men,

Don't sit there waiting for your ships to dock in;

Dash out today, demand the very best attention,

With a detective novel, a discovery, or a dual

invention.

You can't be daunted, for you're down, dainty, and debonair,

Only a fool who aspires to domination will think you're square.

You'll never be dumbfounded by the doggish competition.

`Cause you're just dapper enough to remember your mission.

It's about destiny, not devilishness; deftness, not danger,

Opportunities developed, not defeated in anger.

You can't be dismissed; so let the world take heed,

You are the advance guard of a dawning new breed

Of brain children -- doctors, diplomats, a doctoral student or two;

Dieticians, dentists, dermatologists, and diamond cutters too.

Darkness cannot block your way, for you turn dimness into light

And dazzle the world around you to make everything bright.

So calm down Detention! Stand back Destruction! Move over Delay!

To the loftiest of destinations, these graduates are on their way.

Donning their duds and documenting their paths not just to the stars alone --

So let them pass. Make way, deserts! Move, mountains! "Look out, "they gone!!"


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