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Reclaiming a dream deferred


Muffarah Jahangeer was only 4 when her mother sent her off to school. That might have been scary enough, but the school was in London, where she and her parents had just moved from their native Pakistan.

She could not speak a word of English, so all she could do was cry.

After a few days, the principal called home. "All she does is cry all day long," the principal complained. "Maybe it would help if one of you would come to school and sit with her until she gets used to things."

Back in Pakistan, Muffarah's father had taught history at a government-run university in Lahore. He had come to London so he could earn his Ph.D., then return to Pakistan to teach.

But for the next month, her father's career plans took an unexpected detour. He took turns with Muffarah's mother sitting with his daughter at her strange, new school.

"Instead of going to his classes, he was going to mine," Muffarah said. "He was the best dad."

By the time she was 6, Muffarah was reading encyclopedias, even the dictionary. In English only. Muffarah turned 9 the year her family returned to Pakistan, and immediately Muffarah found herself in the same predicament she had faced five years before. She could speak fluent English, but had completely forgotten Urdu, Pakistan's national language.

Her parents ended up sending her to the University of Cambridge, a convent school that was a remnant of the former British Empire, and more important to Muffarah, a place where English still reigned.

Now, some 40 years later, give or take, Muffarah has once again upped and moved to a new city to go to a new school. Only this time she sent herself, with a ticket of sorts from Carolina.

The ticket came in the form of the University's Tuition Waiver Program, which is administered by the Training and Development Department of the Office of Human Resources.

For the past year, Muffarah has served on the Career Development Committee of the Employee Forum, lamenting the fact that not enough employees had chosen to cash in on such a golden opportunity.

Serving with her on the committee was Fred Jordan, the supervisor of the computer science department's electronics shop.

Jordan has known Muffarah for less than a year, but he discovered quickly her passion for learning and her commitment to spurring interest in the Tuition Waiver Program to which she had availed herself. During committee meetings, she would talk about how important it was to produce a flyer designed to promote the program by calling attention to people who have already benefited from it. Jordan hopes the flyer can be distributed before the end of the fall semester.

Of course, Jordan knew, Muffarah was a walking advertisement herself.

From Pakistan to RTP

The route that transported Muffarah from Pakistan to the Research Triangle Park was a circuitous one, but each stop along the way could be traced to academic pursuits that were never her own.

She graduated from high school at the age of 15, then earned a bachelor's degree in biology and a master's degree in zoology from the University of Punjab, the same university in Lahore that her father and grandfather attended and where they would later teach. She, too, would teach there for a year.

It was here, too, where Muffarah met her husband, Saleem, who had already completed two master's degrees by the time she met him. Shortly after they married, Saleem sought out scholarships to complete his Ph.D. in physiology.

Two scholarship offers came -- one for Germany that would require him to go alone, and a Fulbright Scholarship to the United States that would allow him to take his wife.

He took the Fulbright and took off with his young wife for Washington D. C. and George Washington University.

Muffarah found herself hanging out in her husband's research department so much so that the professors urged her to apply to the Ph.D. program along with her husband. "I can't," she would tell them. "We don't have any money."

The professors solved that by getting her a job at the university so she could qualify for free tuition benefits. Her job was in the lab, and the work she was given was research that was going to be her Ph.D. research.

"It was perfect, just perfect," Muffarah said. Perfect, that is, until she got pregnant, and all her plans unraveled. The $375 stipend that Saleem received with his Fulbright was barely enough to cover their room and board, and Muffarah's meager pay could not cover the costs of daycare. Something had to give, and that something ended up being Muffarah giving up the pursuit of her Ph.D.

"I was uncomfortable with the idea of someone else teaching values to my child that probably weren't mine," Muffarah said. Even if she could have afforded daycare, she probably would have chosen to stay home with her daughter, anyway. But as it was, the decision made itself.

After Kiren was born, Muffarah set about being a mother with the attitude that it was the most important job she would ever have. Kiren stands for "a ray of sunshine," and so she was, Muffarah said.

After her husband earned his Ph.D., his work took the family to Germany for a year. When they returned to the States it was for Saleem to go to work at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in Maryland, where he had completed his Ph.D. thesis.

It was at the NIH that Saleem met a fellow researcher with whom he clicked. The two of them talked excitedly about the groundbreaking work they might do together until the guy ended up leaving to go to work for the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences (NIEHS) in Research Triangle Park.

Years passed, then in 1990, Saleem got a call from the guy at NIEHS telling him there was an opening for him if he wanted it.

Saleem took it without consulting Muffarah. Then he took it from Muffarah when he tried breaking the news to her.

The conversation, she remembers, went something like this:

"North Carolina? You took a job in North Carolina? Do you know they have the worst schools? They are ranked 48th in the nation!"

"Yes, yes," Saleem said, "but my boss said the state has Duke and UNC and they are two really good schools."

"She's not there yet," Muffarah remembers screaming. "She's 8, not 18."

"We're going," Saleem insisted.

"No, you're going," Muffarah told him. I'm not taking Kiren down to that terrible school system."

She may have won the argument, but she ultimately lost the war.

Muffarah figured he would change his mind if she refused to go, but he didn't. "He's just as stubborn as I am, more stubborn."

And after a year of living apart, she caved in and joined him.

Learning curves

Once in North Carolina, Muffarah took a part-time job as an office manager in Chapel Hill, even though she found out soon enough that there was nothing part time about managing an office.

Then five years ago, as Kiren was about to enter high school, Muffarah got an offer to work as the office manager for the School of Medicine's Information Systems Office.

Managing an office was not what attracted her to the job. She knew she could do that. What attracted her was that she would be surrounded by computers and people who knew how to make them work.

"I wanted to know everything about computers, but it was a new field -- and I had heard all these stereotypes about people who work on computers, how they are geeks and maladjusted."

Her theory went like this: If you think you like something, get the inside scoop before you jump in and find out you don't.

What she observed in her office encouraged her enough that she began taking computer classes at nights and on weekends at Durham Technical Community College.

After each test, she fixated on her scores, and thought nothing of badgering instructors for her scores if they did not post them quickly enough to suit her.

"I don't know what you're worrying about," one instructor told her, "your score is always over 100 percent."

In fact, Muffarah scored so well she skewed the grading curve for the rest of the class, and she did it by continuing to answer extra credit questions to inflate an already perfect score.

Her success at Durham Tech assured her that her intellectual capacity had not atrophied to the point of no return as she had feared. In fall of 1999, emboldened by her success, she began running through a gauntlet of math courses at Carolina, including three sequential courses of calculus.

She ended up in one of those introductory programming classes, along with 100 or so other students, and all but her appeared to be 18-year-old freshmen.

"I am one of those obnoxious students who sits in the front row," Muffarah said. At first, she asked her questions to the students sitting next to her, only to find out they were often no less confused than she was. So she began raising her hand and asking Stephen Weiss, the chair of the computer science department, who happened to be the instructor.

"It was nasty, horrible stuff, but the way he taught it was just lovely," Muffarah said of Weiss. "He could read the phone book and it would be interesting. He was that kind of professor."

Best of all, the students accepted her without the lifted eyebrows she expected from them. They did homework together, studied together, waited in line together outside Weiss' office door to go over their questions with him. "I began to tell myself that it didn't matter that they were 18 and I was not, I was a student just like everybody else."

She ended up acing Weiss's class, along with all the other classes she took. Emboldened by her success, she decided to resume work on a Ph.D., but a different one from the one she had abandoned two decades before to become a full-time mom.

Five years in the Information Systems Office taught her that she loved computers as much as she thought she would. The math courses she mastered built her confidence and convinced her of her ability to think logically and sequentially. She knew she wanted to go after a Ph.D. with a connection to computers.

At the same time, she had not lost her love for biology and physiology. She knew that she wanted to be in a field that would allow her to marry these two passions into one.

That field, which is still emerging, is bioinfomatics.

Bioinformatics, simply put, is the application of computer technology to the management of biological information and is being used largely in the field of human genome research.

For Muffarah, it was exactly the match she was looking for. But there were only four universities in the country that offered a Ph.D. in bioinformatics, and only one, the program offered by George Mason University in Washington, D.C., was involved in the kind of research that Muffarah was most interested in.

This spring, Muffarah applied to all four, and at the end of May, her future arrived in the mailbox in the form of an acceptance letter from George Mason.

Muffarah was going to have to pack up and move once again, only this time, for herself and by herself.

Never too late

Life has not turned out the way she planned it, not by a long shot. But it is the unexpected twists and turns that have made it interesting and have led her to opportunities she could not have imagined 18 years ago when she dropped her pursuit of a doctorate to raise her daughter.

She has no regrets, does not, in fact, believe in them. "Regrets are a useless waste of time. If you lived your life and didn't like it, you should have changed it."

She has Kiren, after all. And now, she has a chance to pursue an area of study that didn't exist 20 years ago.

Her father died in 1999, but the advice he gave her still rings true in her head and heart. Muffarah is the oldest of his four daughters and he would tell all of them, "I want all of you to have master's degrees. If you have a master's degree, you will always have food on your table and people will respect you."

And she and her sisters knew he was right, Muffarah said. "We all got master's, each in different subjects, and we are all married with kids."

Now she is taking her father's advice one step further. At times, she feels as excited and scared as she was as a little girl. And maybe that's part of the reason she has chosen to do it.

Carolina has some of the best professors in the world, and employees are not only are allowed to sit in their classes, they are able to take their courses for credit, for free. And not that many golden opportunities in life come so cheaply.

"It's a testament to the caliber of people who we have that they want to teach. They want people to learn and they will encourage anyone who comes to their class. I've taken so many classes, and I haven't hit a bad one yet."

And as Muffarah sees it, too few people are willing to go for it.

"There are barriers for a lot of employees. Some of them might think, `Why are we going back to school, we already had our chance.' Some might think it's too much work, or that people would laugh at them."

None of it is true, Muffarah said, except the part about work. And that's nothing to be afraid of, either.

"Even if you are not taking a class for a degree, take it anyway," Muffarah said. "It's better than watching TV. It's better than sitting around and doing nothing. It opens your mind to new things, and it's so interesting to know about the world around you. Challenge yourself."

The schools in North Carolina proved to be better for her daughter than Muffarah had imagined them to be a decade ago. Kiren turned 18 in August shortly before she started her freshman year at Emory University in Atlanta.

Muffarah finds it both strange and exhilarating that she will be going off to college full-time this fall just like her daughter. In August, just as Muffarah was finishing up her summer class, she found herself combing the classified section of the Sunday The Washington Post looking for an apartment. She had to find one that would allow pets because Kiren had already left for Atlanta. That left her mother, so to speak, holding the cat.

The following Monday, when a landlord left a message on her answering machine that an apartment was hers if she wanted it, she called him back immediately.

"Can you meet me at 11 tonight?" she asked him, explaining that she had a class at 9:45 a.m. the next morning that she couldn't miss with her final only days away. Muffurah calculated she could be in Washington in five hours, sign the contract, and drive back. The landlord was reluctant to agree, and said he was worried for her safety.

Before Muffarah left, she called her supervisor, Dennis Schmidt, who was worried enough to talk her out of it. "Let's not be foolish," Schmidt told her. Go to your morning class, then leave for Washington, Schmidt suggested. That way, you would have a chance to actually look at the apartment and have a better chance of coming back alive.

She followed his advice and got the apartment, plus an A in the class.

What does Saleem think about his wife's new adventure? "He said to me, `You've done everything else in life, why not this? Of course you can do it.'"

Speaking of Saleem, he's in Japan, teaching at Kobe University's School of Medicine. He was supposed to be have been gone for only a year, but that was two years ago, Muffarah said. "I could smack him, but life goes on."


Sign up for tuition waiver by Jan. 14

About 400 University employees take advantage of the Tuition Waiver Program each year. If you want to be one of them for the Spring 2002 semester, your completed application (HR-83 form for those employees enrolling in classes here) must be returned to the Training and Development Department no later than Jan. 14, 2002. The forms can be obtained by calling 2-2550. More information about the program and the entire application process is available at http://www.ais.unc.edu/hr/


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